CARPE DIEM

Random Ramblings

2012-02-11T20:36:00.001+08:00

So I had this very weird loopholed epiphany.

What if human beings aren't meant to fall in love? Which is why everytime we do, things get so damn messy. And with love, when things go wrong, it makes you feel like your innards're being all twisted into a dead knot, your heart being torn shred sliced whatever you may into a million zillion trillion pieces.

What got me started on this was when I was recalling what happened to P and I in Rebel last night while stoning in the shower. It got me wondering. When you think about it, most of the things that'll harm us in some way (be it physically or mentally or maybe even emotionally), it usually means we weren't build for it. Like say taking drugs. Or smoking. Or not being loved by your parents.

(Being loved by your parents does NOT count as falling in love. I don't think so. At least, for the sake of trying to make some sense of this theory la :S)

Lets assume that we really did come from monkeys. And monkeys are animals, right? And they always say guys who are turned on are bringing out their animal instinct or something like that eh? Soooooo my very lame/weird theory is that what is we were just meant to have sex and make babies (like animals) just to ensure the continuation of mankind. Of course, you'll be thinking. Then what's the weird sparkly feeling you get when we do what we call "falling in love"?

That, my friends. Is where the loophole comes in. LOL.

P.S. Love occurs due to the mediation of certain molecules which also act in drug addiction,compulsive disorders and other mental problems…

Dopamine- is thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss.high levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement.

The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and ... men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.

[http://sanpnrad1.hubpages.com/hub/love-chemistry]

P.P.S. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in love - Most of the time. I just decided to show you guys this dorky side of me cause my blog is kinda dead.

P.P.P.S. My parents love me fine. I just used that as an example because I've seen and heard from enough people what happens when they don't.

P.P.P.P.S. Now if you don't mind, I am off to get myself intoxicated with tobacco and nicotine. Tata mofos.

All guys are stupid.

2012-02-10T18:08:00.002+08:00

formspring.me

2012-02-08T07:34:00.001+08:00

Curiousity killed the cat. Meow. http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

I envy.

2012-02-07T22:44:00.004+08:00

Skinny girls
Tall girls
Eurasian girls
Rich girls

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT / I got a hangover

2012-02-06T17:10:00.000+08:00

Was the day I got so effin' wasted AGAIN. I have now sworn myself a minimal distance of 100m away from any form of graveyard (the alcohol). Wondering how the heck did I ever tank two cups of it myself last year? Maybe my liver's failing hehehhh. It was such a bad day to get drunk too, there were so many people I knew there. Le sigh sigh sigh * 100. Can't help it huh, there's so much shit to conquer in my head.

Pictures.

Gon' miss making this face when I take out my braces which is THIS YEAR. [cue: mourning]

Saturday was spent nursing another bitch of a hangover, going to town in the zombie state to meet Char Hee and sign the contract for Forever New and finally buying tons of nonsense from Carrefour and pigging out at home while watching Running Man. Calvin and I actually wanted to go to PH, but due to the annoying system of the other polys cept mine where the students have projects to submit, we had to take a raincheck.

That was a really lengthy sentence.

Woke up really late on Sunday to meet @keithwronged @smeleemonkey @NEXT_Xuanting at Changi Airport for a major fail studying session (for me only, as always).

@NEXT_Xuanting

Nice htht with K and XT. Apparently Qing is going to buy a house in Canada in future and we're all gonna live in it while paying her monthly rent LOL WTFXXXXZ. I was damn against it cause Ps parents live in Toronto and I had my whole life sort-of planned where if I do marry him it'd be great if I won't have to live anywhere near my in-laws. It was just a thought la~~~~~~

I mean, they say friends and dogs are forever but boys are forever, eh? ;)

Tata xxxxxx

formspring.me

2012-01-22T14:50:00.001+08:00

Curiousity killed the cat. Meow. http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

Melancholy

2012-01-20T11:07:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer: If we've been friends for at least 2 years, this post does not apply to you.

Well. I've decided that it's a new year. And a new year should be a time to make space for new friends. So, I've decided to sort of cut myself away from people of 2011 who meant something to me. There will be exceptions, but I'm getting sick of people either taking me for granted/coming to me when they need me, or friends whom I think I am supposed to be close to (and tell me I am close to them) but do nuts about anything. Shit I don't really know what I'm saying hehe.

I've been pretty moody these days because....... Because. Lets just say I'm really in deep shit this time. Obviously not deep enough for me to be adding "hehes" behind me sentences, but you get what I mean. I just hope I raise enough $ to get myself out in time.

Oh yea. Keith, thanks for worrying about me on the day I broke up with Paul. And Qing for like listening to my shit. And Emy for always listening to me whine nonstop about P.

Okay, so on a more cheerful note, finally went to Play on a Thursday. Pretty fascinating, if you ask me. It was my first time there on a lesbian night. I'm waiting for Zhuang Yi to bring me there again hahaha (she's forever asking me/I'm forever bugging her to go on Thursday nights, but because of school and stuff I always had to turn her down).

Ironically enough, the people whom I clubbed with at Play.... I'd say that they are one of the nicest bunch I know compared to people I used go straight clubbing with (Play is a gay club, thus gay clubbing). I knew they'd never abandon me like some people did no matter what lol. Then again, it's kinda bitchy for me to be saying this only after I decided to boycott the place to avoid any Dandan drama ever since I turned legal. :/

Psh. Such is life (the two faced thing even though I kinda didn't have a choice). So I've decided to move on already even if it means I don't really have anyone to go clubbing with anymore.

Alrighty. I swear and promise this is going to be the last time I'm going to whine about my friends, or "friends". I'm kinda inspired by Tammy Tay (ohsofickle) to only have happy posts on my bog because in future when I look back, I'd really only like to remember the happy stuff or random shit that goes through my mind, rather than all of this emo crap.

P.S. I miss staying in the hospital

P.P.S. My advice to everyone out there, is that don't waste your time thinking of or thinking back about people who wouldn't give nuts/two shits/even a second's thought about you. No matter how fucking great the memories you shared with them, really. It's the present that counts. The past is history.

2012-01-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

Why do people change. Why must people change. I wonder if I've changed.

Why do I always feel so :( when things change.

Another new year resolution this year. Treasure each great moment that comes. But don't hold on to it.

New Years Eve

2012-01-11T17:43:00.000+08:00

NYE was spent in this pub near the bak chor mee store in Clarke Quay (Chamber 82). P an I were suppose to go club after hanging out with his friends fo'wile, but the entry-fee to Rebel/Zirca was $38 that night so we had to give that a miss (because of him hurhur). Ended up drinking with them there all the way and watched Daniel & Glen get drunk. Played Indian poker, sang some songs, listened to other tables sing chinese songs. Was pretty sober that night, nothing really eventful. Think I'd have more fun if I'd listen to Keith and gone over to Qing's place actually. Yes, my NYE was pretty mundane indeed. :/ Hope that this year's one'll be better~~~~~

HK Part 2

2012-01-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

Other random shots from the first two days I forgot to upload:Third day, had dimsum for breakie. Didn't bother to take any shots til we were making our way to the famous Gough Street Beef noodles!!

(Did my research online to look for the exact name of the restaurant, and it turns out that even wiki has a page on it! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kau_Kee_Restaurant)
No words can describe how fucking awesome this bowl of goodness is. IT'S LIKE ORGI PARTY IN THE MOUTH~~~~ I'm sorry for being so crude, but it really is that good.

Other random pictures

Saw this packet of chicken wings inside the shop where they sold all the funny funny dried fruits and stuff. Immediately called my dad over to investigate and even he didn't understand how 2kg worth of chicken wings are so light? THEN............ (look below)

Apparently this is how it looks like without the exterior packaging. The lady told us that each packet contains like half of the midjoint of your chicken. Or something like that hahaha. It's even smaller than the KFC wings thing la (also forgot the name)

Breakfast from the fourth day (beef + wanton noodles)

Super deserted street in the morning. We went back to the same area at night for dinner and it was so crowded. o_o

After breakfast my bro and I seperated from our parents to head to OCEAN PARK~~~!

My best memory of OP would probably be riding on The Dragon with my brother eight times in a row. Best themepark accomplishment to date.

Met up with our parents in Jordan to have dinner. Ate at a live seafood restaurant and errr, got cut by these weird species of prawns. The lighting was really bad, and I only had my phone with me so no pictures. :/ (They're on FB tho, just lazy to upload to photobucket).

After the meal, bro brought me to this froyo place called Crumbs, which was one of the must-go places his church cell group told him about. I think this is the best and MOST decadent of froyo shops I have ever set foot in (and you know me. I love froyo so I'd know hehe). Around 40% of the toppings had something to do with chocolate (brownies, cookies, maltesers, oreos, etc) with like really lesser variety of fruits, cereals and nuts than the froyo shops in SG. Even their bananas were ALREADY soaked in maple syrup wth??!! Y U NO COME TO SINGAPORE HUH? :'(

The selling point (putting marketing lessons to use *cough) of Crumbs is one of their toppings called their "house crumbs", which til now I still think is smashed waffle crisps cereal cos that's what it tastes like to me, but ah well. I guess I'll never know.

This is their website: http://www.crumbs.com.hk/index_topic.php?did=149999&didpath=/149999

(picture of my half-eaten froyo)

Breakfast from the airport on the day we were flying back to SG (Christmas day). Their fried wanton is really.......... Exquisite haha. And birds nest egg tarts are just weird la.

Last photo of us outside HK airport before going into the departure side.

So yea. I guess the HK trip this time was pretty much a blast. As much as I hate to admit it, the fact that my dad was gone for two of the days adds to some of it. I mean, there's no fun in holidays if you only get a measly budget of $100 to spend right?

In my defence, I always use my own money to buy my own clothes in SG so it was nice to be spoilt like a lil girl by my mummy while we were overseas.

Gahhhh there's still so much to blog about. Time to slowly download photos and upload them to photobucket. -_-

HK Part 1

2012-01-09T20:58:00.001+08:00

Finally blogging about the Hongkong trip after................ A very long time.
The order of the pictures're a tad messed up. :(

Obviously this was taken on the plane from SG to HK. It was a 9/10AM flight (can't remember) and after 10,000 years baby'd agreed to go down to the airport at 6+ in the morning to hang with me til 8.

Just kidding. He actually volunteered and I refused but after fighting for at least 2 hours I convinced myself (and him) to go down still. Once again, it is a very. Very. Long story.

Didn't get to take a picture of it, but about two hours into the flight the air became so cold that crystals were forming against the bottom of the window. I think it's ice? Pretty cool cos the crystals formed themselves to look like someone'd shot a bullet into the glass outside.

Airplane food! Really mushy cauliflower and broccoli though. Very good for dentures and braces.

The hotel room I shared with my bro~~~~ Say hi to Gabbit! ^^

Outfit of the second day. Breakfast on the second day with bro. 4/10? Not that great, but much better than the one at Genting (which I swear upon the whole remaining lifespan of my wardrobe and all the clothes in it, deserves a -100/100. I'm talking about the one in First World btw)

About my fourth attempt in helping him get a perfect shot -_- But not bad right!!!!! (self praise x100)

Dinner from first day upon arrival. This was in Stanford Hotel, which was quite close to ours (Metropark Hotel). It was our dad's friend who wanted to bring us there for dinner cause apparently the food is really good (and expensive lol). The waiter went to push-sell some soup which had pork chicken and fish inside and it cost a bomb.

Roasted pigeon~~~~

I guess if you merged chicken and duck meat, it'd feel/taste something like that?

Best charsiew I've ever eaten!!!! It's SO GOOD omnomnom. 11/10!!!! Can't say much about the roast pork thing because I'm not a fan of it heh.
Daddy and mummy noming~~~

This was from our second day there (picture below), which was spent shopping around Jordan and er, some other part of HK which had the two-storey H&M. Heard from my bro there was supposed to be another four-storey one in another part of the country, which we only passed by on the third day when my dad was back from China = cannot buy anything :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Anw the froyo in this shop tastes like the one from JCo, and the best part was the were having a promo that day:

55HKD for the regular cup, but you get to put in as much yoghurt and toppings as you want

(Originally it's the same concept as Yigloo and Soghurt where you put in how much you want and the counter'll charge you according to the weight)

?????!!!!!!! *____________*

Had to go with original flavour though, since I was sharing with mumz and she doesn't like the idea of flavoured froyo (there was strawberry, raspberry, lemon, lychee, chocolate, greentea and I think mango? So wasted right!!!!).

Oh and if you noticed the cup of Gongcha beside it, it's supposed to be my usual matcha milktea with azuki bean. Except there, it's 鲜奶绿茶加红豆. The colour of the drink is a HUGE difference from the one in SG. From bright green become.................. White. LOL. And in HK they literally followed the name of the drink? I saw the staff pouring in fresh milk and adding in green tea powder which made the thing taste like contaminated fresh milk.

One of the many malls we went to.

Noticed that during the winter season in HK, there's almost NOTHING to buy in the malls. Bought most of my things from the shops along the roads. The malls sells a lot of super weird stuff.

Dinner from the second day with just mum and bro.

We were supposed to walk around Mongkok after dinner cos bro wanted to try the ginormous chicken cutlet thing, but laziness runs in the Tan blood so we stopped in a random restaurant along the way for milktea, instant noodz and buo luo bao + butter!!!! (I think they're pineapple buns in English, but they don't taste anything like pineapple hehe)
Sugar for all forms of coffee and tea are self-service (except when you're in Starbucks). At first none of us knew that so when I first drank it, my face was like =_____= from the bitterness.

Loot from the whole trip~~~~~ I don't think I'm ever going to buy perfume out of DFS anymore. It's freaking cheap la.

Can't hold back the temptation to watch Running man anymorez. Will continue part2 before you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (a thousand times)

5

2012-01-06T02:02:00.001+08:00

Disclaimer to this post:

Okay, I know usually couples make a big deal out of these things:

1) Each other's birthdays

2) First month

3) 6 months

4) Every yearlyvasary (deliberately put this way, I KNOW there's no such word)

Maybe there're somemore out there amongst other couples, but these are the basic few in 98% of the couples. YESYES?

If it's no then, your problem lor. Obviously I have yet to honour you with my presence in your life cause I haven't heard of any of those not being important before. ;)

Enough with the cockiness at 1:01AM in the morning.

My longest proper relationship ever was only almost five months, so.................... (actually this was the main disclaimer all along~)

HAPPY FIFTH MONTH PAUL MICHAEL KHOO ZHI XIONG. Ya okay now that I'm saying this for real it really doesn't seem like a big deal to me anymore LOL. But whatever, I've been counting down to this since the day I really decided to give this relationship my all (it's a long story) so yay!!!!

So baby, I just wanna say:

(This is for your crazy fetish for Patrick)

Thank you for coming to the hospital to visit me even though it's goddam far from your place and even tho you were kinda the reason I was there haha :S. And we don't have any nice photos together you knowzzzz.

Can't wait to head to USS with you tomorrow! Feeling so excited that I'm the one bringing you there for the first time~~~~~I shall save anything else that's on my mind for the sixth month post I guess. When that comes fo'real I'm gonna be like wtf, I've finally committed to a relationship for half a year after...... 19 years. Hahahahahahhahaa #lame #okaycan.

Prees don't kill me for using hashtags off Twitter.

Rightyo. Time for bed.

(blows kisses)

And lastly, PMKZX.

Byebye, I still have school tomorrow yeurgh. I'll blog about HK and NYE soonish ♥♥♥

x

P.S. Spamming GIFs in a blogpost is SO addictive. I think I no longer have a need to find a way to express myself through words anymore. ;) Keeeeeeeedingggg.

2012

2012-01-03T07:40:00.003+08:00

In the midst of the noise caused by the crowd that came in that night, the shopkeeper walked to the bar counter and reached for a spare microphone from behind.

"Okay everybody, we are going to start on the countdown now and welcome a fantastic 2012 ahead!"

My heart skips a beat.

Everyone else with their arms outstretched, party-poppers already in their hands.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

-------------------------------------------

Well, that was how my countdown at Chamber 82 was like. I was lagging behind with my thoughts because I wasn't mentally prepared to let go of 2011 yet. All the loose ends I'd left were literally just running through my mind.

It's funny isn't it. How 365 days of my life just finish by getting drowned in a sea of loud bangs and the stench of alcohol. Oh of course, not forgetting the Chinese music.

Don't ask.

2011 wasn't what I'd call a great year, but I did finally turn 18. Good timing, I'd say. Because I'd already backslid from church end of last year, and coincidentally I'd started on cigarettes and clubbing somewhere on the end of February and beginning of March respectively. If you want the reason, go to my archives.

In 2011, as with everyone else I'm sure, I drifted from many people and made new friends. I got to feel how it was like to fall out with close friends all over again. Thank goodness I am on okay terms with both of them now.

Fortunately though, among the new friends, I've found people like Emylia, Wan, Jackie, Steph, Jiayi, Calvin, Jolin, and really the list goes on. I'm glad that somehow the path of my life has gotten intertwined with all of yours.

I guess the main part of 2011 was spent just letting myself go, explore different sides of me instead of having to live to the expectations of others.

I also guess you can say this was the year I really rebelled against my parents, from my new lifestyle (clubbing, smoking) to how bad my grades were (to the extent of expulsion).

Now for the highlights of my 2011.

1) Valentine's Day with the jellybeans and um, C. But it really was the jellybeans who made my day.

2) Genting Trip with them

3) Batam with P

4) Clubbing

5) Getting surprised on my birthday twice thanks to Geik :S

6) Falling in love

7) Getting back with Joanna Teh Tarik!

8) Increase in my allowance HAHA

9) Getting expelled, because since then my grades have somehow been improving

Well then. That pretty much summarises everything.

P.S. My only new year resolution is to lose weight :S Oh, and successfully get through this term la

P.P.S. Sorry woman, I don't think I'm going to quit smoking anytime soon~~~

2011-12-30T19:23:00.000+08:00

Where in the world are all my friends, really? It's like they've all disappeared. Maybe it's because I hardly contact them anymore either, but this is kinda bothering me a lil. I mean, I don't know..... Maybe I'm thinking too much. Girly insecurities and all. Or maybe I'm just too boring to hangout with nowadays? It's like I'm invisible, y'know. Like I'm not significant enough for anyone to care about.

Guess it's a good thing barely anyone comes here anymore. It would be pretty embarrassing for anyone to see me in such a low state, even if it may be a temporary one. Maybe it's true when they say nobody cares if you're unhappy, so you may as well put on a fake smile all the time.

P.S. Oops. I didn't mean to sound so gay or anything. I just really miss them a lot.

HK Day 3 (The day we ate a lot)

2011-12-24T08:39:00.001+08:00

Day 2 in HK

2011-12-23T08:37:00.001+08:00

Day 1 in HK

2011-12-23T08:36:00.001+08:00

FLE▲

2011-12-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

Spent a good two hours editing these babies (the rest're on FB). So if you didn't know, I rented a booth with the girl in the above picture on Sunday at Pomo. Silly me didn't know where that was until when the cab driver stopped in front of Park Lane Mall (where I used to play lan with Jar and Bern a lot two years back) and I was like O_O, it's right next to this?

The flea was just stupid la, really. There wasn't much of a crowd, and in the end we sold all eight of our bags to this Pinoy couple for $6 each + a free shirt lolz.

Spent the time not serving anyone stoning/taking pictures/playing Monopoly Deal which I always bring in case of boredom in any occasion hehe. (Thanks Keith!). Thank heavens baby came at around 3+ with Gongcha for muaaaaaa ^^ Matcha milktea + azuki bean~~~~ Plus it was a relief to have his nonsense to entertain Joanna and me for the next 4 hours or so. :S

Had dinner at Lerk Thai > Rochor Road Tau Huey > Home

Ending off with a crazy picture of myself. I wonder if baby'll really meet me later to ton with me at the airport. (heavy sigh) Sucks that he has work tomorrow. But still, if he doesn't I have a strong feeling I'm going there on my own anyway. Wish me luck for the HK trip, I'm gonna need it. And cigarettes. xxx

P.S. Joanna Teh Tarik, see you when I come back kay. :) Don't forget our Christmas date!!!! ♡♡♡

Chasing Zombies

2011-12-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

Some pictures from the flea on Sunday:

The past few days've been pretty eventful I guess.

Friday:Went to club with baby, Raj, Marcus and David at Rebel. It was pretty disastrous at first because of my temper, as Joanna would know cos I was texting/calling her to complain heh. But it turned out pretty..... Hm. Crazy. Like all five of us got pretty high cos we were drinking vodka raw since we couldn't get cups to mix it with the orange juice. Ended up puking, but I think I was one of the more sober ones at the end. :B

But still, in my temporary drunken state I accomplished two things:

1) Getting back with Geik
Saw her in the toiler at Zirca with Peiting. It was such an epic moment cos the both of us weren't sober, and when we saw each other we started hugging and I was crying (like the sobbing kind) and telling her how much I missed her and stuff. Think I kinda shocked PT cos she's never seen me like that :(

2) Ate twister fries LOL.
I think because at the back of my mind (when I was still sober) I was constantly craving for it and in the end when I got drunk, as with all thoughts and emotions at the back of my mind that comes out, that did. So I dragged baby with me to Macs and we split a double mcspicy meal upsized and a double cheeseburger between us. We were like two seh kas sitting at the staircase in front of Macs eating and going on about how great the food was hahahahahahah!

All in all, it was a great (alcohol induced) night.

Saturday: Woke up the next day to head to MS with b and had shabu shabu at Suki-Ya. It's one of my favourite buffet places to go to now! Watched Alvin and the Chipmunks 3~~~~~ T'was kinda meh-ish. I mean, after two movies I guess auto-tuned animated chipmunks get a lil dry. Doesn't help that the shortest and fattest one is like my namesake. >:(

Hung around for awhile more after the movie > Cabbed to katong > Cabbed back to MS > Met the AWE people at Hotpot Culture after multiple eras.

If you're wondering what AWE means and such, please head to my archives from Dec 2007 onwards ^^

ANYWAY. This was while I was watching the rest of them (Teng Kiat, Keng Wee, Wei Cong, WC's friends, Lala, Dahren and Joanna) eat, since I was still full from Suki-Ya:

I'M PUDDING CAMERA'S #1 FAN~~~~~~~~~~~ It's like when you're taking zilian photos obviously you'd wish there were more of yourself right, so thanks to PC you can now have 4 of yourself in ONE picture instead of having four seperate shots. I.e. After using PC, 4 shots = 16 images of yourself ^^

Omg I can't believe I just said that LOL.

After their dinner we went to watch MI:IV. Apparently Joanna didn't know that Lala's a very participative movie-watcher. I was laughing when I saw her blogpost about it la!

(Sidetracking: Lala's real name is Janson. Just in case you're wondering.)

MI:IV was the bombzxzxzxz/sex/ice-cream/waffle/all things unicorn worthy. I don't normally like action movies (slept through James Bond's "Die Another Day" back in pri school days and the other one shown in 2008/9. I think I fell asleep in the middle of the latest Transformers too fo'wile :S) so when I say this is 10,000 worth of (Y), you should know it's THAT good. Plus Tom Cruise's so funny, no wonder even my mother's face lit up when I talked to her about the movie.

Went home after the movie. Gave Play a miss (much to Joanna's delight) since I was so shag + my phone'd died. PZY was tweeting me saying that she was drunk from beer and that I was supposed to be there to take care of her. -_- How does anyone get drunk from beer and not vodka ah?!

Gon' end here cause I have yet to finish packing for the Hongkong trip which is in freaking 12 hours...............????!!!! I packed so many clothes la, as always. Think there're 3-4 pairs of jeans in total zomg. And 3 bags.

Will blog about Sunday soon.

P.S. Actually I'm pretty tempted to started now.

Insecurities

2011-12-19T01:23:00.001+08:00

You say you don't like seeing me unhappy, so I won't show it.

You take what I say on Twitter the wrong way, so I can only put it here since you don't come here anyway.

I won't show you that side of me anymore. I don't believe in you handling my thoughts, because they only seem to upset you. And if you were to ever see this one day, once again you'd just take it the wrong way and we'd just end up fighting again.

When I tell you the things that go on in my mind, you just tell me everything is going to be okay. But that isn't what I need. And then you get upset, or just "sian", when really it's a pillar of support that I want. Not ending up with me saying sorry, or having to humour you again.

The upcoming trip showed me a lot of things. I take every word you say seriously, ironically enough half the time you think I'm not listening when I don't say anything. So during "I guess I'm used to it.", how I really felt? Like I was just another one. True enough, you can say it's just my insecurities and whatsoever. Even part of me knows that. But sometimes we just need some assurance, no?

Me being me, I didn't say anything about it. I still haven't. I probably never will after this post. Not to you anyway... Maybe you're just a guy, being tactless as always, not knowing that the way you said it kinda affected me.

I know you said that when something's wrong and even if I don't show it or say it, you'd know. Frankly, I'm willing to bet my whole life on it that you wouldn't if I really made the effort to hide it.

Lastly, I don't like it that you say it's okay (again), that we'll spend Christmas together when I come back. But what about now? Haven't you noticed I'm someone who does things for the present? Don't you understand? Something about how you can just say that so effortlessly, it's just.................... Oh well. You couldn't have done anything either since you have work. But one can dream huh.

I'm not angry. I never was. I don't know if I'm sad anymore either. If you ever see this, the only reason I kept it from you is because I don't want to find because of a misunderstanding. And because I know how selfish these feelings are. I hope I'll get over it soon. But I'm sticking to what I said. There's been too many misunderstandings.

2011-12-16T18:27:00.001+08:00

How time flies. I'm only left with 5 weeks of school, and it's already our fourth month together.

formspring.me

2011-12-16T16:27:00.001+08:00

Curiousity killed the cat. Meow. http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

2011-12-16T12:59:00.001+08:00

I swear, this is the funniest shit ever.

2011-12-10T21:34:00.003+08:00

Even though I always say things like I wished my parents would get a divorce, I hate my parents yada yada since God knows when, I really don't like hearing or even just knowing that they're fighting.

The upcoming Hong Kong trip feels more like a chore than anything else. My parent've already quarreled thrice? (According to my dad). Sometimes I wish I wasn't so neutral between the both of them, or not so logical about the situation at least. Like maybe rewind back to the days my mother used to bring me to Topshop twice a month to splurge and then I'd have every reason not to be stuck in the middle.

Although...... Sometimes I wished my parents were divorced to stop them from having these tiffs because I somehow think that the only reason my dad's still with my mum is because of her accident 12 years ago? I don't even know if I should be thankful that at least this time I'm not the cause of it. But of course, the divorce thought is only when I am feeling really depressed about them cos I don't know how my mum will survive without my dad in her current condition.

I guess I'm just pretty upset and guilty now because I had a long conversation with my dad about our last trip to Hong Kong four years back, and things were pretty ugly then. Cut things short, I was at the peak of my days as a delinquent and much more spoilt than I am now and really didn't know how to accept my dad saying "No" to the stuff I wanted to buy there + My mum is really um, fussy in places she's not familiar with so she becomes this sort of crazily whiny person. I swear that is as nice as I can put it already la. :(

So in the talk just now, my dad says that in this trip he just hopes he won't be the "slave" there again (the one handling all my mum's shit). Which I then reminded him that I had my share of nonsense from her in that trip ah (had to take care of her half the time, being the older sibling and all when he was drinking himself silly with red wine (Not as bad as it sounds here. Maybe 4 medium sized bottles a day? Smaller than the typical ones you see sold around la basically). Apparently he also hopes that I won't go overboard with the spending til he has to blow up over there (which I know will somehow link to him quarreling with my mum).

Of course, not everything was my mum's fault when we were there. My dad is your extremely typical conventional Chinese family man who is super fixed in his ways and values, whereas my mum is more liberal and she was the one my brother and I spend most of our time with so our mindsets're more like our mother's - Especially when it comes to spending money. Dad has the "buy only what you need" policy, and he brings it with him even when we're on holiday. Which bugs the hell out of my mother because to her, we should be more relaxed financially since we can afford it. Not necessarily by a lot, just more than how you'd be back at home.

As you can see, family trips aren't exactly top on my favourite things, if it even gets in the list that is. I think I'll end up spending a quarter of the allowance I get to spend there on cigarettes just to hold my nerves together. God.

On the bright side, my brother is much more sensible than me now and is in a position to nag at me if I am doing anything unwise (4 years back he was just my accomplice in everything haha).

2011-12-10T19:35:00.005+08:00

From yesterday. My grades for UT1 are so fucking horrible. Literally just scraped through every single thing. Macroecons was the most epic, I passed by 1.5marks. Seriously? I got better grades when I didn't study.

After 4 months of contemplating. Went with SE to Outram to get this at Vagabond Ink. Did this from 9pm til around 120AM? Not my best experience ever (the last half an hour especially, I was mentally scolding myself for agreeing to go through such an ordeal). But the (almost) end product is definitely worth it! Yes as you can see, the nose and the bottom part's not quite finished yet. It'll have to be done after Christmas though, when I come back from Hongkong.

2011-12-10T16:43:00.002+08:00

Bipolar

2011-12-08T13:56:00.002+08:00

Symptoms of mania or a manic episode include:	Symptoms of depression or a depressive episode include:
Mood Changes A long period of feeling "high," or an overly happy or outgoing mood Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling "jumpy" or "wired." Behavioral Changes Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts Being easily distracted Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects Being restless Sleeping little Having an unrealistic belief in one's abilities Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable, high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.	Mood Changes A long period of feeling worried or empty Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex. Behavioral Changes Feeling tired or "slowed down" Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions Being restless or irritable Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide.

Symptoms of mania or a manic episode include:

Symptoms of depression or a depressive episode include:

Mood Changes

A long period of feeling "high," or an overly happy or outgoing mood
Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling "jumpy" or "wired."

Behavioral Changes

Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts
Being easily distracted
Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects
Being restless
Sleeping little
Having an unrealistic belief in one's abilities
Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable,
high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.

Mood Changes

A long period of feeling worried or empty
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex.

Behavioral Changes

Feeling tired or "slowed down"
Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions
Being restless or irritable
Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits
Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide.

On another sidenote, I'm getting tattooed again today. It's something I've wanted for a very long time. Although, I think when people ask me what it represents I'm gonna have a hard time trying to come up with an answer.

2011-12-05T10:45:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I'm so affected by this.

"It's alright I guess you are going through bipolar disorder."

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not angry.

Just sad.

I'm going to shut myself from the world now. I am a mental nutcase and most probably have been the whole of my life so far.

2011-12-04T13:05:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, just came back from helping out at Standard Chartered Marathon for my "wonderful" school. I've decided to blog a lil about it because it has been ages and ages since I ever helped out for anything to do with my school (I usually prefer to have as little to do with RP as possible).

With Tempestt before all our groups scattered to the different parts of Singapore

The job itself was a pretty sucky experience with flaws in the planning all over, but overall it was pretty okay because I finally got properly talking to some of my classmates whom I didn't already know from a semester before (Elaine, Elva, Barry).

Oh, I just noticed all the Es LOL.

Anyway.

We got talking about all kinds of stuff and in the end we got grouped together for the cheering on of the runners at Sentosa. Quite cool la cos at first everyone was two by two (Elva and Barry, Elaine and me) but since all four of us were pretty near each other, E and I decided to just sneak back to the other two's place.

Okay to summarise the wholeeeeeee actual thing that took place:

1) We (all 3 Es and B) got stationed really near St James. Like just a lil further away only. So unfair right. K la actually Elaine and me got stationed underneath the highway bridge opposite Vivo, but we got bored and decided to walk over to the other two's station and stayed there all the way in the end.

2) Saw one of the biggest fights I ever saw b/w a girl and a guy at Food Junction. Like the guy was already gonna punch the girl (girl was screaming at him) before I tried to pull Barry and Elaine away from staring. Kinda regretted not staying to watch. :S

3) Was wishing out loud repeatedly the whole time I was at my initial station that I wouldn't see anyone I know there cos I was in my most cui state ever (biggest majorest ever lack of sleep + no makeup + hair all tied back). In the end I saw Glen and JW first, and then Eliza, and then G. Nice one la hor.

4) Main job was to clap/cheer/blow our whistles at people who ran past us. Did this for 4 hours? Unfortunately there weren't a lot of eye-candy amongst the half-marathoners (21km). Such a disappointment cause we did see quite a few HAMs walk past us to get to the starting point before the event started, but I didn't see most of them run past us at all?! :(

Elva and me nobly cheering the runners on ;)

5) Being the last team to come back (there were 3 in total in Sentosa), by the time we were in the carpark again literally 3/4 of the people there were lying on the floor sleeping. Yes, in the carpark. 1am-10+am is no joke~~~~~

6) On a random note, did tons and tons and tons of walking today. -_- We walked from:

- MS to F1 Pit building

- Very inside of RWS carpark to our stated stations for the marathon (before event)

- Walked from marathon station all the way back to RWS carpark (after event, 4 hours of standing later)

- Walked from Nicoll Highway MRT to F1 Pit building due to a wrong turn of the stupid bus when we were all so exhausted.

- F1 Pitt building back to MS

So saddddd my thighs don't look any skinnier.

2011-11-30T15:34:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, meet the love of my life.

P.S. In case you still don't know, even though I got expelled/dismissed a few blog entries ago, I've long since been accepted back into RP.

2011-11-25T13:38:00.002+08:00

I feel numb. I don't know why. I say I love you. In my head I know I do. And I do. But it's like these days I'm more reluctant to talk to you because I don't think I'm capable of putting a hundred percent anymore. Not since you were capable of walking away from the second time. I don't say anything hoping it's just in my head. Apparently it's here to stay.

Tell me what I should do?

formspring.me

2011-11-21T15:00:00.001+08:00

Curiousity killed the cat. Meow. http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

Les Misérables

2011-11-17T00:11:00.005+08:00

I can still remember like it was yesterday. How it all happened. How I felt right after I realised you were never coming back.

I've never had an older sibling, or anyone close to me whom I could really treat as one. You were there for me through so much. Taking care of me when I was drunk, even sending me home (you even knew my address), Giving so much advice about relationships. Threatening me that you'll stop asking me to club just so I could focus on my studies. Making my dream of going to USS come true just days after I told you about it. Forever telling me to cut down on my cigarettes.

Thank you, Calvin Cheng. Even though you may not ever want to see, or talk to me, I will never forget you.

----------------------------------------------------

It was a huge misunderstanding on my part. I guess I should've watched my words then, even though I really didn't mean a single word when I said that on Twitter. Shows how far and much a joke can go wrong.

Honestly, ever since that experience of losing someone who was so close, it kind of scarred me. I finally understand why Keith has that habit of shutting people out, or numbing himself to the extent where sometimes he can't even bother to give a shit. I'll admit it, it still hurts how wrong the whole thing went. There was once when I was having a tiff with Paul about clubbing, and he was just telling me to go ahead without him and that to just go with my friends. Suddenly he was listing out all my friends one by one whom I ever clubbed with, and I was already dreading the one name he'd come up with. When he did, I totally lost it and started crying. Again.

I hate admitting to how pathetic I am when it comes to matters of the heart. I cannot stand being hurt, accused, and one of the worst, misunderstood. Nothing else usually affects me as much as those three. For some reason a lot of my friends think I'm strong and all that nonsense and that I can handle it. Which is why most of the time, when it comes to such matters it sometimes feels like I don't really have anyone to turn to because no one seems to get that I just need a shoulder to cry on. Ok what am I saying, I guess they do get it sometimes but....................... Pride? A stereotype of thinking that they wouldn't understand anyway so why bother telling anyone? (yes I have a major issue of this, as my boyfriend will probably be happy enough to inform you since it bugs him a lot)

I'm just a girl, who's tired of being close to people, and then having them disappear like that. I mean, really people. If it's you having an issue with a part of me just freaking tell me already? I will not bite, scold, pick a quarrel, yada yada whatever over it. Fucking seriously.

To end this off, the best thing to do is to have a close knit of friends whom you know will never go away, or drift. Despite believes, religion, petty misunderstandings. Through thick and thin.

I am done here.

@candylovelle

2011-11-12T14:36:00.003+08:00

Hi guys, meet this pretty bb of mine! Her name's Candy and she's in my class this semester hehe. I'd just like to say that this girl is really nice, because on the day I fell down (don't ask) she was the one who made me go to OSC in school to get my legs bandaged even tho I was pretty reluctant. She was also the one who lent me her hand throughout the process of alcohol and iodine~~~~ I'm really glad for her to be in this class otherwise I really dk how I'll survive. More secret breaks in the handicap toilet to come ya? ;)

P.S. She's damn blur. :S

formspring.me

2011-10-28T15:19:00.001+08:00

Curiousity killed the cat. Meow. http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

2011-10-21T21:08:00.002+08:00

I love you Paul Michael Khoo Zhi Xiong. Is all I can say.

2011-10-17T14:47:00.006+08:00

I just came back from a grrrrrreat trip to the moon.

Of course not. I was just really lazy to come back here fo'wile.

27 Sept 2011, met Pauly for sushi buffet at DTE. S'not bad! And it's from 6-10pm on weekdays, definitely a plus point. The food's exactly the same as Sakae though. And I think you're only supposed to camp there for at most 90 minutes?

Us at PSR Park~~~

Headed home to spam/pack my bag and off to TM Mac to meet @keithwronged @smeleemonkey @Yang_Xuanting

Genting Trip, 28-30 Sept 2011

Joker

Kenny Roger's muffinssss. My god THEY ARE SO FUCKING GOOD. Best banana muffins I have ever had in my whole lifez.

Was so hungry I didn't bother to take any pictures :/

--------------------

One of the things K and I kept raving about (another one would be the typical "Omg the cigs here damn cheap!" Btw was shocked to see that Dunhill is the same price as Paul Maul there, which is $9.60 for the latter and $11.40-$12 for Dunhill in SG) when we were there was that you could smoke in the freaking mall, IN THE AC. For the 3 days there there was no such thing as walking multiple storeys down the mall or scouting all over the place just to look for a mere square of space to get our nicotine fixes.

Outdoor themepark! Overcame my fear of the straight-down 16 storey ride thingy after 6 years. Apparently Qing took the 42-storey one in Gold Coast, I have no idea how she coped la. 16 already nearly had me peeing in my pants.

End.

2011-10-10T15:11:00.003+08:00

I've been learning how a relationship is supposed to be like. It's not easy, I'll give it that. But I guess at the end of the day, it'll be worth it.

I am thus sealing my fate to impending doom.

Just kidding.

P.S. Ironically enough, many couples around me have been falling apart.

2011-09-30T21:44:00.002+08:00

Why the hell does everyone expect me to be the strong one so much of the fricking time? It's like I'm practically invisible. Seriously. It literally feels like I am snapping to the point of no turning bak where I cut every single one of you off. It's not that I don't care anymore, I'm just so tired. Playing second fiddle to everything in my life, friends. Family. God knows what else. I am done figuring everyone out and being there for people. Usually I'm not one to have such lame insecurities, but lets just say I am losing it a lil right now. No joke. My phone's switched off just so I won't accidentally vent everything onto my boyfriend and end up saying things I don't mean.

I'm sorry if the whole of this post didn't make sense to you. Goodbye.

2011-09-26T20:16:00.003+08:00

I just saw that I got dismissed from school. In simpler and more obvious terms, I got expelled.

I am ashamed to say that the only thing I am worried about is breaking it to my parents instead of being worried about my future. And that a part of me was happy because I'd be SO glad to go through a change of school. But of course, my dad would probably never allow it. Yes until now, even if my appeal to remove the dismissal goes through, I'd be glad to get out of RP. But............................................................. Y'know. My dad will say the money on my tertiary education has already been wasted on me once, what makes me think that I will actually be successful the second time and go through with what I say since I am forever the irresponsible one.

Who the hell am I kidding. I am fucking scared shitless of my parents right now. And to people who have known me for awhile, that takes a LOT.

[edit]10 minutes after publishing this post my mother barged into my room, carrying the dismissal letter from school in her hand. My life always works out wonderfully huh. [/edit]

Bows and arrows

2011-09-22T19:59:00.004+08:00

So, I experimented with my makeup last night an ended up with this:

Pardon the outbreak on my forehead. I know, it's horrendous. It was my first time taking a picture in big-eye contacts too. Idk how people like Cheryl Ang, or Peiting, Abrie or anyone else who constantly wears these things do it. They are SO uncomfortable :(

----------------------

Watching "Cyberbullying" on Funshion now. The movie reminds me of when I was 13. I don't know if I've ever said it here, but I was once an A-class bitch and a huge (?) part of the class hated/disliked me so much that a couple of them ended up spamming my blog. So much to the extent that I was whining to Donovan in higher chinese class (cough) one day and he suggested taking down the tagboard, which was one of the best things I did then.

We were all so childish then haha. Yeayea, me ~~especially~~ included.

I miss Pauly. Andddd a couple of other people, one of them being a lil inappropriate. Can't believe I camped myself at home using tumblr/watching drama/smoking/eatsleepshit for 2 days in a row. [pats myself on the back]

I am going for a run tomorrow morning. Mark my words. Goodnight.

P.S. Results're coming out in a few hours awmannnnn.

P.P.S. I finally bothered to leave my twitter link there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.P.P.S. Imho I don't get what everyone was so annoyed about with the new Facebook. #justsaying

2011-09-21T13:41:00.003+08:00

Life's pretty mundane lately. I don't know where the heck have all my friends disappeared to, so I've been spending a lot of time with the boyfriend (nearly everyday lol). I've also quit my job at Crocs because of the endless crazy shifts they seemed to be giving me so yeah, I have a LOT of free time on my hands now.

Can't wait for my getaway to Genting with my friends next week. I really need it.

2011-09-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

It is scary how all 4 of my favourite Alesana songs relay to me a lot. Or relayed. I'm not sure til now. But yeah, neeway. I only just bothered to read all their lyrics word for word after so long. Here's the list of what they are, if you're curious.

1) Tilting The Hourglass

2) This Conversation is Over

3) Congratulations I Hate You (I am ashamed to say that I've actually been listening to this song since I was 13 haha)

4) Apology

This just makes me sadder that I'll be missing their concert in SG this month. :'(

2011-08-30T01:38:00.002+08:00

Anon: I got it done at FEP's Primitive Art for $120, but I heard it's cheaper at Queensway's PA

There's this other anon who's been putting shit in my inbox that I don't even wanna bother going to formspring fo'wile. Which is just the whole reason of why I never really liked putting my r/s status in public in the first place.

2011-08-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

Y'know one really annoying fact about me?

You wave something right in front of my face, okay. I'll take it, but I'll get bored of it in a snap.

You put it somewhere I can still see it but really far away instead, I'd do all I can to go for it if I still want it.

I guess they weren't kidding whenever my friends say I only ever seem to learn the hard way. Always.

2011-08-05T03:30:00.002+08:00

I am sooooo sadddd I recently gained like 3kg? Ya no shit. Even tho it's like no big deal to most of you but cos of my height it's so frickin obvious :( And the weirdest thing is that most of it went to my arms!!! Ya damn weird right cos usually it's my face and thighs that get hit first but now it's my biceps and ugh they. Are. So. Flabby.

:( :( :(

Keep telling myself I have to run soon but I've become so used to Amore that I like, can't get use to running outside the gym hahaha. Ah well.

2011-07-19T17:31:00.001+08:00

My thoughts now lie in tumblr. Find me if you will.

http://sappyballads.tumblr.com/

2011-07-16T22:37:00.003+08:00

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Taking a big risk by lighting one up in the room. With the windows closed. I have endless issues I'm running away from.

What's the craziest thing that happens in your hometown?

2011-07-14T14:09:00.001+08:00

My country bans gum.

This is the only place you can ask me anything.

2011-07-10T11:16:00.000+08:00

There is a slight possibility I may go back on my word.

A Million Kisses

2011-07-03T15:37:00.003+08:00

Stupid Desmond Toh pua-ed stunt on me again soooo this is what I'm doing now heh. Sorry la, feeling a lil vain today~~~

Gotta wait til 5ish til he comes back from seeing the sinseh ughhhh. One more stick and I shall start on my siesta. Buaiz.

Kissing In Cars

2011-07-03T11:47:00.003+08:00

Powerhouse last night. Fucking impromptu shit lol. Nearly ended up not going cos I'd rather spend time with D who has shingles and was kinda grounded because of that. Still managed to persuade him to go in the end though. Alcohol tolerance was being a total bitch last night, or maybe it's just the vodka. God, I hate vodka. The plain ones only la, actually. Nasty tasting stuff. Absolut Mango's still my favvvv.

Anw here I am rotting in front of my laptop while waiting for D to wake up. Ironically enough it was his text that woke me up at 9 something? I'm so bored I'm resorting to watching Finding Nemo on Funshion omfg. Mr throat and mr nose aren't doing me any favours either. Think I'm gonna hafta start on a second box of tissues soon. There's so much green crap to get out of my system, it's unbelievable.

Gon' do my other collarbone soon. Guess I'll just stick to doing my name since nothing really matches up to Carpe Diem imho. Or maybe I should just ask the french obsessed kid Keith Wong for his opinion?

"Oh look at me, I'm gonna go touch the butt~" LOL.

I love cartoons. If only Funshion has Chowder. I'd never leave my room.

USS

2011-07-02T13:05:00.004+08:00

Melvin, Jolin, Calvin, Rena. The people I've been clubbing with recently :)

I heart churros!

To summarise everything, FINALLY rode the Battlestar Galactica (Human once, Cylon twice). I think that was kinda the highlight of the trip for me LOL. After the rollarcoasters the other rides don't even come close. Oh btw don't bother eating at the foodcourt in the Lost World section of the themepark. Fucking ripoff la!!! Lousy ayam penyet for $10.50? :(

Oh ya, felt like a total lightbulb that day cos I was there with two couples. But in the end D surprised me by coming all the way to harbourfront to meet us for dinner~~~ Okay technically it wasn't a surprise since he did try to tell me beforehand via text and fb wall post, but my phone died almost at the start of the trip sooooo. Meh nvm still surplise la!

Sat on most of the rides. The mummy and lost world one (forgot the names alrd :/)'s so-so. Madagascar was kinda retarded, it's like watching the movie all over again (which I already have- 5 times). Uhhhh can't remember what else we sat on LOL.

Monster Rock is a must-watch when you're there. Can't say much about the Steven Spielberg special effects thingy though. I'd say don't bother with the Donkey "Live" show either because when they say "live", they mean projecting Donkey on a screen with some guy doing his voice-over behind it, or somewhere in the theatre la.

Still have some pictures from the time I hijacked D's Mac :B Kekekekeke. KBYEBYE

formspring.me

2011-07-02T13:04:00.001+08:00

This is the only place you can ask me anything. http://formspring.me/Elnorz

2011-06-30T12:11:00.002+08:00

Ma happy pills of this sem aka smoking buddies lolol.

Blog about USS soonish, class is watching transformers now!

Stymest

2011-06-28T15:28:00.002+08:00

I'd starve myself for a whole year and use all the money saved to fly to England and meet him. Just sayin'.

A second goodbye.

2011-06-23T21:32:00.002+08:00

Whatever it is, it was fun while it lasted. :)

2011-06-18T20:41:00.003+08:00

I used to know what was the answer to the question running in my head now.

I know you said you'd do something about it. But, are you really? Can I really just sit around and wait for it to happen?

Can I?

Brielle.

2011-06-16T18:17:00.005+08:00

It's been awhile since I didn't have to wake up feeling the dread that this was all a mistake. And starting today, I won't have to anymore either. It's not that it wasn't real on my part or anything. But after putting a lot of thought into the whole situation yesterday, it hit me that before this I wasn't even ready to settle down. And that I'd told myself the next one'd better count. Which at first I thought it did. Then everything just went spiraling all over the place and in the end, it all became a huge mess that neither of us could really do anything about.

The final confirmation would probably be when I saw you dancing with someone else. I was waiting for the sense of dread or jealousy or whatever I was supposed to feel to kick in. Funnily enough, nothing happened. Shocked, maybe. But overall, there was nothing. I guess it was right then and there that made me set my mind on ending this.

Moving on.

Met WX at Bugis yesterday. Ended up watching Laddaland at Cine which turned out to be utter nonsense. Okay to give it some credit, there were some parts that were a lil scary but the plot is just............... Cough. Just random people dying all over the place with the ghosts looking more gory than scary. Somebody was complaining at the start of the movie that it seemed more like some family movie than a horror film hahaha.

Flew to CQ after that to drink and then impromptu trip down to Rebel to go find Calvin, Desmond, Keith & David. Xuanny was waiting outside the whole time despite me insisting that he went home first. :(

Round 2 tmr with Des and Calv tmr!!!!!!!!

2011-06-15T02:05:00.003+08:00

gro·tesque

[groh-tesk]

–adjective

odd or unnatural in shape, appearance, or character; fantastically ugly or absurd; bizarre.

2011-06-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

So my experience last night was pretty scarring. Practically turns me off from the whole clubbing scene altogether. Honestly I really think I should just stop anyway because it's doing shit to my wallet, my body clock and (wait for it), my grades. Oh and my social life la, cos I can't have plans with the Jellybeans (Keith, Xuan, Qing) at night most of the time now cos I'll go clubbing I instead.

Honestly I used to go so much last time just to have fun and forget about shit. But nowadays it's like, because of clubbing I'm GETTING more crap into my life. And sometimes when I hear myself talk it's like clubbing is all I can talk about wtf. Slap me plz.

Time to stop. Most importantly, I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore. The feeling sucks, and as much as I don't believe in karma.. I just know that being the bitch it is, life's just gonna bite back. Hard.

Sappy Ballads

2011-06-13T05:05:00.004+08:00

It's smack right in the middle of the night and here I am again resorting to the cyber world instead of indulging in the abyss of semi-unconsciousness. Topping it off with the cherry, I have school in what, exactly four and a half hours? Yeeeaaaah.

Newayz. Happy birthday bestfriend! I don't think there's anyone else out there who can actually say they've known their bff for so long? I know recently it feels like we've kinda drifted since last year but I still love you the same and btw if you come back from China more cheena sperkin' Imma kick your ass.

K so this was Thursday with her when I made her wait for 2 hours. :( Apparently the girl was knitting away the whole time (so ahma heheh). Had Cold Stone, it's the shitzzzz.

Andddd this was Friday! Spent at first with J when he came over in the afternoon then went to FEP to find Emy:)

Crazy mummy with her happy face when she saw her friend. It's like everywhere she goes she'll bump into someone.

Spent the night at Rebel with her. Splurged on a table with Andy and his friends so we had like 1 Martell, 1 Jagermeister and vodka? Wah that day seriously... Ugh. Drinking too fast sucks, really. :( Plus Idk why my legs were aching like crazy that day, spent most of the time dancing against the wall lol.

Spent Saturday night at Qing's place with Keith, and the highlight of my Sunday.

2 hours spent on this post due to constant sidetracking.

Haiya, what else is new right?

BYE I'M OFF TO GET READY FOR SCHOOL~

Mindfuck.

2011-06-12T04:23:00.005+08:00

Have a fucking shitload of thoughts in my kind now.

1) I'm starting to think you didn't mean it when you said about settling down.
2) And that this "thing" between us is kinda going nowhere
3) I'm becoming really puzzled why you wanted this in the first place.
4) My mum is on a cold war with me ever since she found the cigarette boxes in my room
5) I wish you'd just tell me what you want, even if it means out
6) I haven't studied for my exams
7) I wish I could tap into C's head
8) Am I really what G said I was
9) Why does it feel like my life is in a mess
10) I really want a hug from my best friend right now

2011-05-30T22:05:00.002+08:00

QUESTIONABLY MINI HIATUS

7 stix.

2011-05-26T00:46:00.004+08:00

I think I should start bringing mummy's digicam with me everywhere just so I can take snapshots of all things interesting and blog about it. Kinda miss having pictures here.

It's been 10 days since I touched any form of junk food. Except for french fries, and even those were what, last week? It's a miracle, really. Go me. (waves imaginary pompoms) Anddd my mind is once again, a total blank on what to say next. Goodnight.

Reversal.

2011-05-19T19:10:00.004+08:00

Life's so twisted sometimes. Whenever something horrible happens around me, it makes me sit back and realise how thankful I am I'm not in that situation. I mean, not to be mean or anything. For example, whenever people confide in me about relationship matters, at the back of my mind I'm always so relieved I don't have to go through any of that right now.

Of course, there were times when I wished I still had those problems. Especially back in those days when I was still in church. (shrugs)

I don't know la, just at a funny season where the thought of relationships kinda scare the shit outta me. Unlesssssssss someone as awesome and rare as a unicorn comes by. Yeah, that'll be the day. [sarcasm]

So anw, imho the "irritating" kinda stung me just now. Then after a longggg nap from Woodlands to Tampines on 969 I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't and right now just don't, care.

Godddd now to think about it, can't believe I was acting like such a fucking girl about it. Alamak.

KBYEBYE.

P.S. At least I updated.

P.P.S. Hope ATIQS cheers up a lil by tomorrow :( It seriously felt like the pits when you have 0 clue on what to say to someone who's so >:'(.

2011-05-19T00:15:00.004+08:00

Things I have to/should do:

Lose weight
Buck up for PT in training
Start getting better grades by bothering to do my RJ.
Stop smoking..?
Get back my stamina
Sleep earlier
Not give up on my giant cut on junk food and eat more fruits (still refuse to touch vegetables)
Stay focused
Finish Season 2 of Modern Family

Yeah, that's what I've been up to.

Meat salad

2011-05-08T19:04:00.002+08:00

2011-05-08T18:11:00.004+08:00

I can only trust my instincts that if you'd gotten sick of this, it'd long been over. Then again I wouldn't know if you'd suddenly prove me wrong.

Hope, I just need a ray of that.

2011-05-08T16:32:00.005+08:00

I actually have a lot to say but I don't have pictures which is a bullet to the mood. Ohya, one thing I learnt on wednesday is that I should never have my phone anywhere near me after losing really badly in 5-10. God. Embarrassingggggzzzz ok? Drunk texting is so. Not. Cool. For a moment there I didn't even know wth he was talking about on msn.

Thinking about cutting down on the number of clubbing nights per week and quit going to gay clubs altogether. Except maybe on Thursdays..? Hah kidding la. The people you meet at clubs are a no-go (Best piece of advice I ever got from How Cher). At the rate I'm skipping school because of my reversed body clock, I'll most probably end up being dismissed by the end of Feb 2012.

Anw, happy mother's day to all the women out there who've made the crazy decision of procreating. Very noble of you guys indeed. Hope your end-products're giving you a whaleovatime to make up for the nine months of shit you went through.

Oops, didn't mean to sound so cynical. Aiya, whatevz. I'm outta here.

What historical time period would you most like to visit?

2011-05-07T18:12:00.001+08:00

The one when Audrey Hepburn was still alive. Or maybe the Victorian period.

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

SPREAD THE <3 <3 :D

2011-05-06T13:03:00.001+08:00

▲▲▲

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

What if you found out you were adopted?

2011-05-06T13:02:00.001+08:00

Open a bottle of champagne.

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

What's your favorite Mexican food dish?

2011-05-06T13:01:00.001+08:00

I've never had Mexican food :( Unless you count tacos. Then okay, they're my one and only fav haha

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

What if you didn't start smoking?

2011-05-06T13:00:00.001+08:00

I'd be a very healthy person who would've lived a 100 years longer.

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

2011-05-05T20:22:00.004+08:00

I think we both know we're more or less done here.

Last night was one hella night. Not kissin' not tellin', though. Bye.

Would you rather be the best player on a losing team or the worst player on a winning team?

2011-05-05T18:13:00.001+08:00

Best player on a losing team. AA much hehe

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

2011-05-04T15:50:00.003+08:00

I like pet names.

And long kisses.

And random I love yous.

And kisses on the forehead.

And hugs from behind.

And you.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

2011-05-03T01:44:00.001+08:00

Passing my O levels from 1 month's worth of mugging

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

An update, what else?

2011-04-30T16:02:00.002+08:00

Hi, you mean quite a lot to me. I may even start thinking about quitting. There will be a but involved, of course. We both know how fickle minded I can get. But I do mean what was on the post-it I slipped through the door last night.

Think yesterday was kinda a mess. A lil anyway. Wtf call yourself 10 years older, look at you can? I don't get how someone can be so delusional.

2011-04-25T14:33:00.001+08:00

Dear readers,

Don't worry I haven't disappeared to anywhere.

Love,

Eleanor.

2011-04-20T15:54:00.002+08:00

Hi, I'm Eleanor and I turn 18 today.

P.S. Happy 122nd birthday to you too, Hitler.

P.P.S. I have tons to say but no time and no energy and maybe even no heart to type it all out.

Basketful of random.

2011-04-18T01:24:00.003+08:00

Well, I finally blurted out everything to you. Felt really awkward to show you the vulnerable side of me straight out instead of telling you about it.

I'm weird, I know.

School's starting in less than 8 hours. I know it sounds really exaggerated, but just now I was so down about it starting that I nearly started to cry while talking to Bern on the phone at the playground. Like wtf........................ People cry over dead pets, broken relationships, spilt milk. I tear over the start of an academic year.

This holiday's been one hella break from school. I haven't even been back to RP once since the last UT. On the bright side, at least all things shitty happened during the hols and something else is starting besides school heh. ;)

Blog about my chalet next time. Gonna be a fuckin' zombie in school tomorrow.

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me.

2011-04-15T20:13:00.002+08:00

Why am I thinking so much why am I so pessimistic why am I becoming so insecure ew hate this shit. So technically my alphabets are really twisted right now because by right B is supposed to come before C right. Okay technically that did happen sooo. Hohum I'm yabbering to myself again.

K shut up Eleanor, just let life take its course and kick the past into the trashcan.

Btw, I don't know if it's because I've been spending a lot of time at home or something but for some reason one of my favourite things to do while I'm outside is to plug in my earphones and just, smoke. OKAY LA I HAVEN'T QUIT LA HUHHHH.

Anw, yeap. And I'd get a tad annoyed if someone taps me in the middle of a good song and asks if I'm a-okay. Am I the only one like that?! :( Shit I don't wanna turn into some emo junkie who goes around in a black hoodie or and jet black hair okay ew damn not nice. I'll just end here before this post starts to sound wayyyy ridiculous than it already does.

Just be a queen.

2011-04-15T12:30:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I spent nearly 2 hours slaving over this:

To this
http://termsandcondoms.tumblr.com/post/4604021144

Sucks that Imageshack doesn't read GIF images, so y'all only can see the end product by clicking on the link. It's not great, but I'm still pretty happy with it. ;) Basically spent almost the whole of yesterday taking pictures from my Her World magazine and editing it > putting some of the pics on my tumblr. Found out that you can do absolute wonders with:

1) One whole day to spare at home

2) A fashion magazine

3) A DSLR

4) GIMP software

In fact the only time I went out was to meet Szeyan and catch up with her at 11+ in the night? Yuppp. Caught up with her after so damn long and told her about the woes of being in RP cos she's starting her first year there next Monday. :B

Last week/day of underage clubbing for me today.

Wheeeee my chalet's tomorrow!!!

The animal inside of you.

2011-04-14T01:26:00.007+08:00

Stupidly cute ukelele guy from really long agooo. Suddenly felt like putting the vid of him here.

Got sick of waiting for Photobucket to fix itself so tadada, I'll be using Imageshack for now. (Although between you and me, PB beats IS any. Freakin. Day.)

These're the pictures from two weeks back I think? Been going out pretty often but Idk if I'm becoming damn unfit or if Mr Canon's getting mysteriously fatter, either way I just feel that he's too heavy to lug around. So yeah. To recap, this would be when I ended up sleeping while Bern and Howcher were singing K lolol. Cos my voice was a total goner lor (to the extent where no sound would come out when I laughed. Very LOL now that I think about it).

Two cheena piang idiots

How Cher: Thanks for putting up with my shit and whining and random ramblings and whenever I made fun of you about Nugget* hahahahaha. And your endless sing-songing and lao ren jia advices omg kkk better stop before I get into a giggle fit.

This one's from Eric's competition the day after that~

Finally gathered literally all my balls to text C just now. To put it simply, I guess, things're much better now? In the sense that I'm finally FINALLY getting some sort of closure and I'm finally ready to move on. Somehow I'm starting to feel that it was the guilt that was holding me back all along. But, nvm! It's just fucking great to be able to smile for no good reason again. And get high from air, not nicotine.

Oh, cigarettes. I may just consider kissing you goodbye for good. Must have faith in me kkk? :) For the sake of my stamina la, at least. Alrighty, I think that's enough shit for one post. BAI.

x

Muthachucker.

2011-04-13T06:01:00.003+08:00

I had another dream of C. God, Idk why but the dreams always feel exceptionally real. Fuck.

And just like all the other times before, the first thought to come to my head upon waking up,

I'd do anything to have you back.

Yeah yeah, pathetic much. But hey, at least I didn't wake up crying. That's gotta count for something? Yes. YES. Of course it does. (nods head)

Ew just realised my room stinks of cigarettes.

Geronimo.

2011-04-12T22:54:00.004+08:00

I miss my friends. My STRAIGHT friends. The ones who already know enough about me without explaining myself all over again. Not saying that the people I've been hanging out with aren't great or anything, it's just that I need a mini breather from that scene. Btw, 'vebeen trying to change my skin to the blogger template one but can't seem to fit my nuffnang ads anywhere in the template.

Obviously you can tell from this that I have the attention span of a squirrel. Much love.

P.S. I have the awesomest mummy ever who knows when I'm having my gastric even over the phone without me telling her AND who secretly pays for my birthday chalet when I already gave her the money to help me transfer to Des. :')

[edit] So with a stroke of ingenuity, I finally figured out how to do this. Although the thing is Photobucket has decided to die on me for some reason so, for the sake of having a picture lying around, here's one.

Hello Bern! I know you'll probably never get to see this but just be strong and I know I've said this maybe about a milyern times but I'll always be there for you (except when I'm 3/4 drunk and emoing like a fucker at Play hehehe). 4 years of friendship and counting! Woopwoop. Love ya. ;)

IMHO I really don't like Blogger's photo uploader because the pictures always turn out damn small, even under "Large". Pfft.

[/edit]

Who you are

2011-04-11T13:58:00.002+08:00

Well, here I am. Thinking, wondering. That without realising, I've been getting myself into all sorts of nonsense to numb away that one simple fact that I'm hurting.

I'm always the one telling people to be strong and face the world. But seems to me all I've been doing is run away in a whole new direction. Every single time I think I'm done with all the tears and thoughts, they never fail to come back.

Y'know what? That's it. I'm giving up on love altogether.

2011-04-10T16:49:00.003+08:00

It sucks when you finally open up your heart to someone, he acts like it's no big deal at all. Tore down the walls, only having to need to build them up again. Wtf is this, right?

I do. I really really do.

Embers're burning bridges down.

2011-04-07T21:14:00.003+08:00

Looking at this makes me so hungereeeeeee.

Finally got to go to Butter Factory + Powerhouse yesterday. Not that much big of a deal, I guess. Typical mix of alcohol and really high people and a looooot of grinding (which I didn't bother to include myself with). Oh but I finally got to see a good tecktonik dancer who's a girl! The ones you usually see're guys so that was something new (wearing dress somemore leh psh).

Y'know, alcohol and emotions never go well together. So free-flow on a ladies night PLUS free entry would never equate to a good thing right?

Of course.

Aiya, screw this. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. >:/

Whats the longest duration you can hold your breath for???

2011-04-05T02:31:00.001+08:00

5 MINUTES. Aha keeeeeding. A minute?

Demandez-moi quelque chose?

Til the world ends

2011-04-04T15:11:00.004+08:00

Can't really remember what I did from mon-thursday last week. DD and Val're finally back from BKK. Went to find them before going to club on Friday~ Miraculously got into Play lor. I think I heard this at least five times on that night:

Person: Omg how'd you get in??!

Me: I don't knowwww. The person just let me in. Without a chop! (shows hands)

Person: ????!!!!

And I'm happy to say that I was sober!!! (smiles proudly) K la, was kinda high when we left Tabs (couldn't stop laughing at even the smallest things) budden I think all the dancing made me sweat out the alcohol, like Gary kept saying whenever anyone asked him if he was drunk.

Oh yeah, someone dude got knocked down by a car at the pedestrian towards maxwell foodcourt. Weirdest thing was that the guy wasn't even bleeding, just lying there unconscious. A lot of us didn't believe that he'd gotten knocked down until the ambulance came lolol. Now we all know how China the accident scenes portrayed on Channel 8 dramas are, huh?

Went to sing k at Bedok with How Cher & Bern the next day. Gave up trying to sing in my barely there voice and ended up sleeping while they spammed emo cheena songs. Had dinner in Tampines at Cartel after that. Ahhh typing this is making me miss their St Louis ribs alrd. :(

Sundayyyyy. Hm. Left AMK really late > took a cab down to Boon Lay to meet Bern for Eric's competition > Saw Karmaine in her pretty pink wig at JP area :B > Met Bern and took a bus to NTU > Blablabla competition and everything over and done with, cabbed to Geylang for dimsum with How Cher and Matthias (best chee chiong fan I've ever eaten omg) Watched them eat the damn expensive durian, which wasn't that bad afterall hahaha.

Pictures to be up really soonnnnn. IKEA MEATBALLS WITH BERN TMR YAY!!!!

And if you were wondering, yes I'm at work now. LOL

2011-04-01T11:18:00.003+08:00

I'm bored. Ask me something, anything. Especially if you're not from Singapore :))))

http://www.formspring.me/Elnorz

Perfect Nightmare

2011-03-31T19:54:00.000+08:00

2011-03-29T21:23:00.007+08:00

Stuff I'm gonna pamper myself with after I get my moolah.

OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO FINALLY GET MY HANDS ON THIS :'( Been wanting it since forever and ever. (Since last year August or September, to be exact when I first saw some girl carrying it at Marina Square. It looks much prettier IRL)

Beginning to have second thoughts about the Genting trip with Bern, Des & Melvin. April's really going to be a month of burning away my $$, maybe even worse than March. It's barely starting and I'm already going to sing K two days in a row this week(Friday & Saturday)!

Btw was damn appalled when How Cher and Bern told me neither of them know what indie was(??!!!). And when I let HC listen to Little Lion Man while on 22 back to Tampines this was what he said:

"Oh... So it's like chinese and indian music mixed la? With a bit of country-ish?"

#faint

------------------

Mini commotion on MSN just now. Honestly, I'd rather do everything face to face. I like phone calls and normal F2F conversations muchhh more than instant/text messages. Just sayin'. ;)

(Actually this is more for the benfit of KJX. Serves you right for stalking me. :B)

Love lockdown

2011-03-28T14:43:00.002+08:00

So gonna try this on Halloween this year if I'm not feeling lazy.

----------------------------------

Boss had to choose today to bring home her ipod vid so today the shop's filled with tons of clubbing songs~ Hahahaha. Anyway just now something pretty epic happened.

I wasn't paying any attention to what my phone was playing through the speakers cause I wus watching Michelle Phan tutorials on Youtube. My phone had to choose that very moment to play I Just Had Sex and it so very happened that this mother and her (about) five-year-old son JUSTTTT had to walk past the store when the chorus was playing.

Lets just say I didn't know what was going on until the duo came up to the front and I personally got a mouthful from the woman. During the whole time her son was making funny faces and wriggling his eyebrows behind his mother's back.

Why do such things always happen to me? -___-

All the world's a stage.

2011-03-27T14:41:00.004+08:00

I realise that the current way I live my life has become EXACTLY like this picture:

And there're nights when I just literally sit at my bedroom window doing this:

I've been working almost everyday and going out a lil lesser. My heart feels kinda heavy, I don't really know why either. Whenever I go home late at night I'd camp on my own at the ginormous sandpit in my estate and just smoke myself away from reality in those few minutes. It's stupid, really. The me from earlier this year would've wanted to slap the me now awake and tell her what a prat I'm being.

I've started on cigarettes. There, I'm finally admitting it here. It's almost amusing how I'm hooked onto one of the things I abhorred the most in the past. Ask anyone who knows, I can spend fifteen minutes (nonstop) on a person just telling them the cons of nicotine and tobacco rolled up in paper.

Humans. We're all such contradictory creatures.

-----------------------------

Btw, spent the night at Bern's place on Friday and spent the whole day with him yesterday. Human centipede (dumbest movie ever) + dim sum at Crystal Jade at Causeway + Chinese dessert & Diary of a Wimpy Kid at Yishun + Tampines IKEA + Singing karaoke with him and How Cher would sum up how I spent my off days.

Oh, and two shared bottles of Pokka Strawberry Tea, which I have to add may just be their best product yet. Think Bern and I went a tad crazy over it yesterday.

I don't know how to end off this post, sooooo yeah. Bye.

For The First Time

2011-03-25T15:08:00.005+08:00

(during work yesterday~)

Feels kinda weird to know that I'm not going to be clubbing this week. Or any weeks at that until I've turned 18 which is still... 3 weeks ++ away. Fuck. Plus I have to wait until school starts for me to even be able to buy cigarettes and club in peace oh man fml okay seriously.

Guess I have to start planning the chalet real soonish. Btw I hate and suck at planning things because as all my friends will know, I can never stick to one decision and so while normal people break promises and rules, my forte lies in breaking plans. Fine, AND rules. Insert sheepish smile here.

Actually I don't know what I'm getting so worked up over either. Maybe it's the thought of getting tied down. Speaking of which I may just be a total bitch and just go straight to the point of saying I'm not ready and am still very much in like with someone else I shouldn't be. I just don't have the heart and the strength and maybe even the time to do a rebound right now la, okay??!!

>:(

Latte e Miele/Frigidarium

2011-03-24T14:27:00.005+08:00

HI. My boss asked me to spread the word around about the store, so tada here I am!

Anyway, today I'm gonna talk about.......

Latte e Miele! (sidenote: Otherwise what used to be known as Frigidarium)

i.e. THE best gelato you'd find anywhere around Singapore.

Yes, 100% guarantee chop.

If you've ever come across/heard of them, you'll know that ALL their gelato are handmade at their main branch in Market Street (Raffles Place). All the flavours are made from scratch and contain no preservatives.

By now you'd probably be thinking, but doesn't that apply for all the other bigger ice-cream names like Haagen Dazs, Ben & Jerry's, Udders etc?

Here's the best part - For Latte e Miele's gelato, they use wayyy lesser cream and sugar when compared to the American style ice-cream (the ones mentioned above). So when you have lesser cream AND sugar, what do you get? Less fat and a much healthier choice, that's what!

So yeah, here're a couple of reviews on Latte e Miele (Back when the shop was still known as Frigidarium.)

Time Out Singapore, where it appears with names like Once Upon A Milkshake and Sogurt
Hungrygowhere.com
Simplest Aphrodisiac

Caught your attention yet? Come and try out the gelato at either one of our two outlets! :)

#01-40, 146 Market Street

Katong Shopping Center, B1-K125

For more information, click here for their Facebook page.